The Best Way To Set Up An Office Lottery Pool

Alas, I did not win the $656 million dollar jackpot. The best I did was win $4.

While no winner has been officially identified, The New York Post is reporting that a McDonald's employee in Maryland has claimed the winning ticket. Her story sounds a little sketchy, but if she is indeed the winner, the woman may have a fight on her hands if she wants to receive all her winnings.

This is because she was the buyer of the tickets for her coworkers' office pool. She and other McDonald's employees allegedly all put in $5 for a bunch of tickets. If any of the tickets won, then they would all split the money.

The woman claims the ticket that won was not part of the pool, but a separate ticket she bought herself.

The debate over all this makes me mad. Because it seems unfair that idiots can win so much money.

I was responsible for buying the tickets for my office pool. Yet, I will not be divvying up the $4 I won among the 13 others who contributed. The winning tickets I bought separately, for myself. And there's no way my coworkers can argue against that. Why? BECAUSE I SENT THEM ALL OUR POOL LOTTERY NUMBERS IN AN EMAIL BEFORE THE DRAWING.

If you do this, THERE'S NO DEBATE. No lawsuits after the fact. It would be impossible for you to know what the winning ticket would be beforehand (if you did, you certainly wouldn't need to go into an office pool). So when you send everybody the numbers pre-drawing, nobody has an argument if different numbers--the ones you purchased for yourself-- end up being the winner. There's a paper trail, undeniable. It's an unbeatable system.

An AP article today states, "Numerous group winners have been sued by people claiming to have pitched in for the ticket, creating messy fights over what money will be left once the attorneys are paid. And most state lotteries don't give much official guidance on how to avoid such problems."

The reason why the state lotteries don't give people guidance on office pools? BECAUSE ITS F-ING OBVIOUS!

It took me 2 seconds to snap the photo above and send it to my coworkers. For the drawing last Tuesday, I typed in the numbers, but it took too long, so this was easier. After the drawing, everybody knew that we lost. If I had won the jackpot with a different ticket, they would have no claim. The best lawyer in the world couldn't win a case against me. I have the emails to support my story. There's no way my winning ticket could have been the office pool's ticket, because I sent the numbers beforehand and couldn't have known which ones would win.

So consider this blog post a guide on how to run an office pool:

Step 1. Who's in? Write down the names and emails of everyone in the pool.

Step 2. Check off their name when you receive their payment. (My pool only put in $1 each, but I know some people put in a lot more.)

Step 3. After giving everyone a last chance to contribute, buy the tickets for the number of people who have paid up (including yourself). Put these tickets aside.

Step 4. Buy whatever tickets you want to buy for yourself. Keep them separate from the ones you bought for the office pool.

Step 5. Email the group (only those who have paid up for the pool) the numbers on the tickets you bought for them.

Step 6. Then wait for the drawing. Good luck!!

That's really not so hard, people.

If you use these guidelines for your office lottery pool, then simply send me part of the winnings as a thank you. You can afford it.

Nation in Debt? Time For A Little Bit Of Luck



The national debt is approaching 11 trillion dollars, and with all the money Congress is giving out during this economic crisis to just about any rich guy who asks for it, that figure is bound to skyrocket. With our government’s finances in worse shape than Jessica Simpson, how can we find the money to improve our nation’s crumbling infrastructure and fund the programs that are vital to a healthy, non-George-Bushy America? One solution is surprisingly simple.

It’s time to get lucky.

To be more specific, it’s time the United States joins the UK, Mexico, South Africa and a slew of other countries in creating a National Lottery.

Currently, forty-two states bring in millions upon millions each year by taking advantage of one of humanity’s oldest vices, gambling. That money is typically earmarked for education and other important state initiatives. A National Lottery could be used to shore up an ailing social security program, fix our country’s crumbling electrical lines, roads and water mains, or bribe Sarah Palin to simply disappear.

The United States first experimented with a National Lottery back in 1776, when the Continental Congress approved the sale of one million $10 to $40 tickets in order to raise money for the American Revolution. Unfortunately, at that time, the only people who could afford tickets at those prices were the wealthy… who were more likely to be Tories, British supporters. Not surprisingly, the lottery idea was scrapped.

The main problem these days would be political in nature. First, the religious right likes gambling as much as they like a cross made out of cocks. Second, states with existing lotteries may feel threatened. And third, in order to establish a National Lottery, funds must be established to create a federal bureau that would administer the game. None of these challenges is insurmountable, however.

Presumably, promises that the lotto funds would go partially to charitable institutions could placate large portions of the religious right (for instance, the UK lotto has provided 20 billion pounds to “good causes” since 1994). Prices on tickets could be set higher than those offered by state lottos, aiming at a different demographic of ticket buyers. And since we’re already providing private jets and lavish vacations for failed CEOs, what’s a few more bucks to create the Bureau of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

And there’s evidence that in these tough times, people are buying lottery tickets more than ever. According to Scientific Games, maker of scratch-off tickets, revenue is up for scratch-off and daily tickets in 25 states with lotteries

Now, I’m not good with math, but I’ll attempt to give you a rough idea of the money we’re talking here. According to a study of Texas lotto players conducted by the University of Houston's Center for Public Policy, 36% of Texans bought at least one lottery ticket last year. Extrapolate that 36% figure across the country, and that’s 109,376,871 people buying lotto tickets.

Charge those guys $10 a ticket…and, uh…

Hold on…

You got more than a trillion dollars. $1,093,768,710 to be exact. You think the U.S. can’t use that money? Couldn’t you? Maybe you’d be the lucky sucker who becomes the first government-made millionaire. Maybe the country’s debt won’t be the only one eased by this.

Hey, you never know.

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[You can read this and other fascinating random combinations of words and letters at Slow Century Magazine, a place where I will hopefully contribute to more often in the future.]

$370 Million Dollars

I am not an experienced gambler. I've only gotten a genuine lottery ticket once before, when I won a free lotto ticket on a "Take 5" scratch-off. So when I went to the bodega today to buy a ticket for tonight's $370 million+ drawing, I had no idea what I was doing. I did, however, make sure not to choose the numbers chosen by Hurley from ABC's LOST. I have no desire to spend years stranded on a weird island... especially since Maggie Grace is no longer there.


Money Can't Buy Me Maggie's Love... or Can It?

But clearly, I was not alone in my lottery virginity. A Murray-Hill guy (you know the type-- short hair all waxed up, striped button down, long island accent) was giving the bodega guy hell for messing up his ticket. "The numbers aren't in the order I chose!!!" he yelled, quite preturbed, no doubt envisioning his millions going down the drain because of some "damn immigrant." He demanded another ticket. "You'll have to buy another," the bodega guy said.

Grudgingly, the guy agreed. "43, 2, 0..."

"You can't choose zero, sir."

"Oh, ok, 3..."

He finished, and the bodega guy printed out the ticket. The Murray Hill guy was not happy. "It's exactly the same!! The order is wrong!!!!" In a fit of anger, the guy stormed away. Then it was my turn to pick my numbers.

When the bodega guy handed me the ticket, I too saw that my numbers were correct, but the order was different. It was at that moment I realized:

The numbers always go lowest to highest. No matter what order you choose them. Lowest numbers always go first.

Obviously, the Murray Hill guy was a first time lottery player like myself. Unlike myself, he didn't realize his mistake, and ended up looking stupid when he blamed the bodega guy for derailing his lottery-winning dreams. I bet he went to another bodega to buy a "correct" ticket, only to find himself holding a third copy of the same ordered numbers.

Anyways, good luck to all of you out there who are fighting to beat the odds and fulfill the American dream-- getting incredibly rich by doing nothing. Except you, Murray Hill guy. You're rude to bodega guys-- you get bad karma.

P.S. LOST THEORY ALERT!!! Check out Lottery Lady Yolanda Vega's favorite TV Show. Was Hurley's lottery win... RIGGED?????


Is Yolanda Behind The Mysterious Dharma Initiative?? Think About It!