New Poll Determines Polls Are Now Officially Useless

In a new poll conducted by the Adam's Life blog, 79% of Americans admitted often lying to pollsters, providing inaccurate or sarcastic answers, or "just plain f*cking with Wolf Blitzer's mind."

The poll came on the heels of a Newsweek poll that showed the majority of Americans believe President Obama wants to impose Islamic Sharia law upon the United States.

"The pollsters ask such ridiculous questions, I really just try to have fun with them," said Roger P. Nobodi, a frequent online poll answerer. "The other day, there was a poll asking if we thought the sun was just the ash from God's cigarette. I thought, 'Okay, well why the hell not?'"

Bill Fakerton, who often responds to polls on Fox News and other conservative news sites, also admitted to not telling the truth.

"Do I really think Obama was born in Pakistan? No," Fakerton said. "But I don't like him. So sure, I'll click he could be from Pakistan. It's not like anyone's gonna call me out on it."

The Gallup Institute, which conducts polls for media, government, and business, expressed doubt that the Adam's Life poll was accurate.

"People lie or give jokey answers to polls all the time," said Arthur Imagenari, spokesman for the organization, "So I don't trust the results of this poll that finds people aren't honest when responding to poll questions."

He then exploded.

"I never lie to pollsters," said Faye Person, a housewife who has nothing to do all day but answer online poll questions. "I just try to give the answers I think they're looking for. Like when they ask if President Obama is secretly part of Bin Laden's inner circle, I figure they're getting that question from somewhere, so it must be partly true."

She did, however, admit to pretending to be in the coveted 18-25 demographic.

"They just care about those people's opinions more," Person said. "And who hasn't lied about their age?"

Nobodi, for one, doesn't plan on answering poll questions honestly anytime soon.

"I'm just having way too much fun. I told some guy the other day that I thought Michael Jackson wasn't dead," Nobodi said. "I'd rather be part of the 10% who feel that way than cowtow to the majority."

Additional findings of the Adam's Life poll discovered that only 65% of Americans use a toilet to go to the bathroom, and only 35% believe the sun sets in the west, 53% think that Terminator 2 was based on a true story, and 92% think Jessica Alba is a MILF.

What's Wrong With This Picture??



Above is a screencap from the MSNBC site. It also highlights the reason I can't allow myself to get too optimistic about Obama winning this election in a landslide.

The AP poll actually says McCain has gained ground since the third and final debate. Read it and you'd think McCain's "Joe The Plumber" argument is making believers.

Then you read this NBC/WSJ poll, and Obama's up by ten points.

What's the truth? I find it so hard to believe--after 8 years of Republican mismanagement of the economy, the war, and just about everything else--that McCain will win. But then again, the logic of many Americans isn't always sound:



The screenshot above also provides a some reasons not to vote for McCain. The same man who claims Obama will be a "Tax and spender" has a running mate who's using $150,000 of public funds to add to her personal wardrobe. The economy, which McCain claimed was a-ok, is an empty shell hollowed out by the same corrupt businessmen McCain's such good pals with.

With the election right around the corner, Obama supporters can not afford to be overconfident. The New England Patriots were undefeated-- and lost the Super Bowl. The first season of Heroes was great-- until the season finale. Just because things may look rosy for an outsider seeking to upend an inept ruling party doesn't mean Obama's got it sewn up just yet. The AP poll should remind us of this.

Jewish American Princesses


Role Model

This article raises the question, what is Disney teaching our girls?

I agree with the article's point, although, I'd like to point out some positive messages that some Disney movies send.

Beauty and the Beast, for example. Belle's no stupid ditz like the little mermaid. She reads books! Brainy! And although she could very easily marry the handsome, muscular Gaston, she finds that inner beauty, rather than external, makes for the ideal husband. Beast's heart is what attracts her, not his looks. If only all girls would learn this very important lesson, they'd all go for me.

A similar lesson is taught in the movie Aladdin. Jasmine disdains the wealthy, arrogant suitors... even Aladdin, when he disguises himself as a prince. While I wouldn't want my daughter taking any "magic carpet rides" with some street rat, I would want her to learn that money and power isn't everything... its what's in the heart that counts.

Finally, there's The Lion King. Nala is in love with Simba. They're childhood sweethearts. But when she encounters the now-adult Simba, wasting his days away in his jungle dreamland, she's repulsed by his lack of responsibility. Only when Simba stops being a slacker and decides to accomplish his destiny does Nala marry him and bear his lion cub. The lesson is obvious. Slackers = not ideal boyfriends. Guys who throw their evil uncles to the hyenas = marriage material.


I'm Not Lyin, It's One Hot Lion...(ess)

Sure, Ariel's a little tramp who'd do any guy on two legs. And speaking of tramps, Lady is a pretty helpless individual. Sleeping Beauty is a clear victim of date rape, and Herbie: Fully Loaded star Lindsay Lohan has been pretty much fully loaded for the past year. "I wasn't drinking officer! I swear!! The car has a mind of it's own!" Sure, Lindsay. Sure. But clearly, not all Disney movies reinforce tired old cliches of the "helpless female waiting for a man to rescue her."

Girls, be more like Belle, and less like Lindsay Lohan. Belle's hotter anyway.