Kill, Baby, Kill



Back in the 2008 Presidential Election, Sarah Palin was a big fan of the phrase, "Drill, Baby, Drill." I wonder what her feelings on that are now, given the way the British Petroleum (BP) Deepwater Horizon oil disaster is currently destroying the Gulf states for decades, maybe even centuries to come. But Palin isn't in charge, Obama is, and the way he's handled the crisis really makes me question what side he's playing for. A Louisiana resident, Mac Rebennack, said it best, to New York Magazine:

“The thing is a damn crime scene. Who ever heard of the perpetrators getting to run their own crime scene?”

That's my question also. It's clear that pretty much everyone involved with the exploded oil rig cut corners, covered up safety issues, ignored warnings, and was pretty much incompetent. And nothing they've done to try to stop the spill has shown that they've learned their lesson:

-Initial BP estimates stated that the oil well was leaking 1,000 barrels a day. But the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration estimated that the leak was likely 5,000 barrels. After the video of the leak was released, those estimates shot up... about 10 to 20 times. Certainly looks like BP was trying to downplay the size of the leak. They've repeatedly resisted attempts to allow scientists to more accurately measure the flow of oil. To go with Rebennack's metaphor, this is like a murderer telling the cops they can't examine the victim, but it's okay because the victim isn't really as dead as he seems.

-BP claimed that the chemical they're using to break up the oil in the water is perfectly safe. Biodegradable, non-toxic, absolutely no carcinogens. So of course the Environmental Protection Agency approved it. But there's just one little problem:

Despite [the seller of the dispersant's] claims that Corexit is safe, biodegradable, and free of carcinogens, it happens to contain substances that--you guessed it!--are dangerous, non-biodegradable, and carcinogenic.

This of course, despite the fact that safe chemicals have been around for decades. BP, saying poison is safe does not make it so!

-BP has announced publicly that they can't understand why their stock price is dropping. This actually makes a lot of sense. See, BP expects the government to twiddle their thumbs before making a largely symbolic, hardly punitive action against BP. They expect the financial penalties to be small. Then the company can go about its business, putting this hiccup behind it. Already, since the spill, the government has approved six deep-water wells. BP knows this. And they know that once you've got an addict hooked, even if you kick the shit out of them, they'll keep coming back for more.

So lets review. The government's letting BP cleanup its own crime scene. It's letting them use a toxic chemical to clean the spill, just because BP says it's safe. And to top it off, BP is so confident that the government won't severely punish them, that they're miffed at investors for getting antsy with their stock.

Does this sound like a company that's learned its lesson?

Does it sound as if our government is going to teach it one?

Maybe if the oil washes up on Martha's Vineyard, those who should be taking charge of this mess will finally do something.
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P.S. Does the name of the oil rig, Deepwater Horizon remind anyone else of these three movies: Deep Rising, Open Water and Event Horizon? No wonder there was a blowout: the whole thing sounded like a horror film.

Put Them All In Jail

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Days after it got a federal bailout, American International Group Inc. spent $440,000 on a posh California retreat for its executives, complete with spa treatments, banquets and golf outings, according to lawmakers investigating the company's meltdown.

AIG sent its executives to the coastal St. Regis resort south of Los Angeles, California, even as the company tapped into an $85 billion loan from the government it needed to stave off bankruptcy.

The resort tab included $23,380 worth of spa treatments for AIG employees, according to invoices the resort turned over to the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.

There's a reason we put criminals in jail. Because if we let them free without punishment, the odds are that they will continue to commit crimes. This is the basic premise of law enforcement. The threat of jail time (and the inevitable male rape that follows) is enough to make would-be criminals think twice about breaking the law.

The folks at AIG took money for insurance policies that they never dreamed would be paid out. They thought there was no way there would ever be massive mortgage defaults, the only scenario that would require them to pay the banks and lenders that bought the policies. Since AIG thought there was no chance that they'd ever have to pay, they treated the money they received as pure profit. They spent it on themselves: lavish bonuses, expense accounts... posh California retreats. Even though their policies promised that they'd pay banks and lenders money if mortgages went bad... they never planned for that event to ever happen. But it did. And the money they had promised to pay was no longer there. The executives had spent it all.

There's a name for someone who takes money that isn't theirs. Criminal.

These people should be thrown in jail. Embezzlement, mail fraud, jaywalking-- whatever sticks. Criminals should be punished for their crimes... not given $85 billion dollars so they can continue to throw parties for themselves.

Unfortunately, Congress continues to treat these executives as innocent bystanders, victimized by Joe Six-Packs who couldn't pay their mortgages. Make no mistake, the $700 billion dollar bailout didn't fail the first time on the House floor because it gave too much to executives. It failed the first time because it DIDN'T GIVE ENOUGH MONEY TO MEMBERS OF CONGRESS. Once the pork was added, the bill sailed through.

Until the criminals who compounded this crisis are brought to justice, they will continue the pattern of corporate irresponsibility that led to our nation's financial problems in the first place.

Unfortunately, Congress is holding hearings... when they should be demanding trials.

But what do you expect when criminals are running our government?

Booze Water

Bored with Poland Spring? Gatorade not quite quenching your thirst? Looking for a drink that's both refreshing and intoxicating? Well look no further my friends, because Smirnoff has just the thing:



Smirnoff Source: Alcoholic Water.

Yes folks, finally you can have all the health benefits of pure spring water while getting crunked at the same time.

You can imagine how that corporate brainstorming meeting went:

Boss: We're looking for a new alcoholic product that will make us lots of money. Any ideas?

Doug: Smirnoff Ice Pops?

Patty: Pomegranate Twist Smirnoff?

Boss: Terrible. Just terrible. Anyone else?

Hitler: Americans love bottled water. Why don't we water-down some vodka, put it in a bottle, and sell it as alcoholic water?

Boss: Brilliant!!!

Doug: But won't selling alcohol as water send the wrong message? People shouldn't drink it like water.

Boss: You're fired. Smirnoff water! I love it!

Hitler: We'll call it "The Source," to make it sound youthful and hip.

Boss: Genius! Why can't the rest of you guys be like Hitler?

I can see the ads now:







Enjoy responsibly.